Civic Conscious

A week ago today I was fretting over serving my civic duty.  It was an interruption. I was worried because I didn’t have the time personally or professionally to deal with the ramifications of jury duty.  Not to mention they wanted me to report at 8am. I can’t remember the last time I was showered, dressed, and functional at 8 am.  Maybe one of the three, maybe even two, but definitely can’t remember all three occurring in the past three months at the least.

When I arrived at the Gwinnett County Justice Administration, I was like 99% of the 900 folks reporting that morning: praying I didn’t get picked for a jury.  I see that I’m listed as number one in the second group of 50 for jury selection.  Though random, that didn’t bode well to me.  Luckily, Jeff was a laid back fellow that I met five minutes ago so that made things a bit easier.

Needless to say if you follow me on facebook, I was selected.  The charges were for a 21 year old girl on an accident in 2006.  She had been charged with Homicide by Vehicle, Serious Injury by Vehicle, Driving Under the Influence, and Driving on a Suspended/Revoked license.  The irony of it all was that the accident occurred after a night drinking at a franchise of my former drinking hole.  IN fact, I could have very well been at the bar they left or the bar they were heading to on Aug 12/13, 2006. 

Without getting into a whole lot of details, we found her guilty of all charges except the Homicide by Vehicle.  Though the deceased could not speak for themselves,we felt there was a level of personal responsibility that played just as much a role in his death as did the accused female. 

I entered jury duty nonchalantly.  Get it over with kind of attitude.  After being picked, listening to two days worth of testimony, and approximately 8 hours of deliberation, I realize that this has been, as Bailiff Warren said it would, an experience that I’m likely to remember forever.  I coudn’t help but question our decision when both when I heard the deceased family speak in the courtroom, then again when I saw the defendant break down upon hearing her sentence.   I gather that some part of me will always wonder if we did the right thing.

Decision Time

I have definitely not been writing here as often as I once did.  I don’t know if it’s the combination of kids and lack of creativity, or if I have a case of writer’s block.  Maybe the depression of knowing that I’m the only one reading this stuff has finally gotten to me.

In any case, my domain name is up for renewal and I’m contemplating letting it go.  It’s nice having my own spot on the net, true, but I could certainly have a free spot just as easy.  Especially considering the infrequency with which my eloquence graces these humble pages.

For example, I’m working now.  Contract gig for a former employer.  Definitely blog worthy news there, right?  Yeah, didn’t even cross my mind to mention it here.

Or what about the crazy playoffs the NBA has seen this year?  When’s the last time I even mentioned sports here?

Then there’s the birth of my daughter which got nowhere near the airtime the birth of my son received. Cuz I’m lazy and don’t write too often.  And when I do I do it on bleacherreport.com or helium.com.  At least I know someone is reading stuff there.  My readers here, geez I would have to all but ask for comments directly and maybe, just maybe someone would hit me up with some feedback.

My point is:  Should I do this anymore? Has Xpinionated seen it’s run?!?!

The 2009 Job Search

There was a time when if you lost your job, your next step was to go and apply for new jobs.  This is still logical to me.  However, every career resource, counselor, career coach, and ‘they’ in general now tell you to not spend your day applying for jobs on the internet.  Instead, they say network.

Get out and meet people. Go have coffee or lunch.  Here’s the problem with that approach.  First, the networking approach is great if you’re the kind of person that loves chitchat, loves to sit and talk, loves to make conversation.  But what if you’re not that kind of person.  What if you have conversations with people because you have something very specific to say.  I love my family and friends dearly.  But they will probably tell you I am one of the least likely people they expect to get a just-to-say-hello phone call from.  Those same friends will tell you I’m just as amiable, friendly, and non-introverted as can be in a casual atmosphere.  I’m not comfortable talking to people if I know in the back of my mind I want something from them.

Two, getting out and meeting people costs money.  And well, I’m unemployed.  Going out for coffee and lunch to network isn’t something I can readily justify.  Further, I hate the feeling that some of my employed friends feel the need to pay for things if I do meet them out.  I understand that’s probably an ego thing that I should quickly get over but it’s part of me.  I’ve spent a good part of my adult life asking for help from no one other than my parents and that I have kept to a very strict minimum, intentionally.  I pride myself on truly being grown and even the task of networking seems a little bit like asking for a hand.   I know it’s illogical….

Third, most of the people that I have had the fortune to network with have, well, been unemployed themselves.  And I understand the networking mantra is that every connection counts but unemployed people getting together with other unemployed people is kind of like alcoholics gathering without a moderator.

Part of this post is frustration.  I’m tired of looking for a job.  I’m tired of trying to network.  I’m tired of feeling pretty useless.  Friends and family, do not worry.  This is a vent.  Though I do feel useless, I know I’m not useless and I know my place in this world not only for me but for my family and friends.  Still, a large part of my self esteem was, unbeknownst to me, tied to my being a head of household, to pulling my weight.

More on Campus Shootings

CNN has allowed readers to respond to the campus shootings at Northern Illinois University yesterday.  Of course, as with the Virginia Tech tragedy, the gun advocates are taking this opportunity to promote their cause.  They say if the average citizen carried a gun, the shooter yesterday would have been shot long before he could fire so many rounds.  They throw out the cliche ‘If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.”  What these advocates fail to see is that this shooter and the shooter at Virginia Tech did not obtain their guns illegally.  In fact, it was so easy for them to attain their guns that no one even thought twice about these individuals wanting to have so many guns.  In effect, the legalities that allowed these killers their weapons is actually part of the cause of both of these tragedies.

The next argument the advocates proliferate is that campus shootings are on the rise because they are known to be ‘gun free zones’ giving perpetrators a heads up on how much resistance will be faced.  This may be true to an extent.  And increased security in every public place is infeasible and in my xpinion not desirable.  Still, allowing everyone to carry guns would only escalate violence.  Consider the number of assaults that occur on a daily basis, in bars, schools, wherever.  Now imagine those assaults occurring with citizens with guns.   Instead of a fistfight and a night in jail, you’ve got wounded people, including bystanders (unless we’re assuming that once every citizen carries a gun, their aim will be dead on accurate), property damage and a feeling exactly the opposite of security.  I wouldn’t feel safe knowing that everybody around me had a gun. 

What about the predicament our police officers would be put in?  They already have to take great precaution to ensure that a simple traffic stop of a driver is not a violent situation.  Imagine that same incident knowing that 90% of the population is strapped. 

Then there are those that say it’s not guns, it’s our society.  Our society of “CSI”, “Law and Order”, and violent video games has propagated a culture of violence.  This is just a cop out.  These media outlets are not watched solely by serial killers.  We all watch these programs.  As such, if these media outlets exert such control over us all, why haven’t we all gone the route of mass killings?  That’s akin to saying that the kid that played the robber during a game of cops and robbers grew up to be larcenous.  Silly.  Indeed, there is something deeper to this recent outbreak. 

I think these killers have been around since the beginning of time.  Some never kill, never act on their violent thoughts.  Others dwell on them but don’t erupt until the opportunity presents itself.  I think the main reason we hear and see it more often now is twofold.  One side is that weapons are easier to obtain, whether legally or illegally, and generally much more powerful and sweeping.  Automatic handguns, rifles, and machine guns whose output would have been unheard of outside the military forty years ago are now commonplace in gun shops or the black market.  It’s time we make some weapons ‘for government and military use only’ by restricting the gun’s manufacturers from sourcing gun shops with these tools.  Secondly, today’s media is much quicker in getting information to the masses.  No longer will a report on the East coast ‘make it’s way’ to the west coast; information exchange is now immediate.  I think there have been tragedies such as throughout civilized (and uncivilized) history.  Try reading the Encyclopedia of Serial Killers if you need proof of man’s ability to kill (and many of the killers listed did their dirt long before guns and CNN).  We feel like more people are dying because more people are dying AND we know about it. 

Technorati tags: Campus shootings, CNN, Northern Illinois Shooting, gun control

Sick of Cowards

I’m tired of it.  I’m tired of these cowards with guns.  I’m sick of these guys who can’t handle their own problems so they go into a classroom and shoot folks who have nothing to do with their problems. 

6 Killed in Northern Illinois classroom.  For what?  Right now there is no motive.  Will it be the same as the Virginia Tech murders?  ‘Boo hoo I’m an outcast’.   You know what?  Every single one of us is outcast from something, from someone, from somewhere.  You can’t pick the general public as your enemy and start shooting.  Furthermore, if you do, have the fucking guts to stand up to the anger and sadness you so eagerly caused.  Don’t kill random folks and then get scared and kill yourself. That’s cowardly and a punk way out.   If you’re man enough to pick up a gun and shoot innocent people face to face, then be man enough to look those same folks’ families in the face and tell them why you took their loved one.  Tell that family that you were trying to get a point across about . . . . what?

You think you’ll evoke change by killing random people and then yourself?  What message do you think gets across?  The only message that gets across is that you were a disturbed, mentally immature person who couldn’t handle the pressures of growing up/being grown and didn’t have the compassion for others to limit the consequences. 

In fact, your killing of innocent people only creates martyrs of the people you killed.  We don’t remember you when we think of the killing spree, we think of the killed.  I despise that news reports even include your death in the reported number killed.  Your name doesn’t belong in the same sentences. 

I do not feel pity for your situation of being outcast.  It is not because I don’t have compassion for those that are outcast.  It is because I reserve compassion for those that are compassionate enough not to give up and harm or kill other people to get a message across, a lost message.  The second you picked up a gun with intention of killing people you didn’t know is the second you gave up any claims of victimhood, of being the abused. 

At the point, you became nothing.

Technorati tags: Northern Illinois Shooting, Virginia Tech Shooting, School Shootings

Audacity at an extreme

In Haro, Spain, 2004, a 17 year old teenager is killed by a Spanish businessman.  The teen was hit from behind on his bicycle as the businessman sped through some campgrounds.  The teen was dragged for some distance.

A judge ruled that the man had technically committed no crime and as such no criminal charges were filed.  Fast forward to 2006, the businessman decides to sue the parents of the teenage boy.  He claims that they are responsible for the damage done to his Audi A8 and the ensuing car rental fees.  Yes, this man wanted the parents of the child he killed to repay him for his inconvenience!  Never mind that their son is dead.  Never mind that he did not spend a single day in jail though separate experts estimate he was doing 70 to 107 miles per hour…in a 55 mile per hour zone.  No his precious fucking car (excuse the language) needs Maaco and he shouldn’t have to pay!  The audacity, cold-heartedness, stupidity, assholedness of this guy! 

He has dropped the charges.  However, he did not show up to court fearing the publicity would amount to a public lynching.  Perhaps, a public lynching is what this bunghole truly needs!

Technorati tags: Audi A8, Haro Spain

The Black Notebooks – Inspiration

I haven’t used this forum to address race often.  And I honestly don’t know if that is intentional or if it has been done unconsciously.  In any case, I am currently reading The Black Notebooks by Toi Derricotte.  It is a book that I’ve owned for years and have started several times.  For whatever reason, I couldn’t get past the introduction. 

So I restarted this novel a couple of days ago mainly because I was out of books to read at home.  FINALLY, I got past the introduction and found the book nearly impossible to put down.  It is a collection of written recollections from Derricotte — who is a black woman of white skin tone able to ‘pass’ as white.  Oddly enough, she has touched on so many experiences that I have had at one time or another.  Some which make me smile thinking ‘I didn’t know anyone else felt that way’ and others that don’t make me smile.

It has encouraged to maybe confront my feelings on race more directly.  I tend to put my feelings about race out in a joking manner.  Almost censoring myself when the topic is brought up outside of the comedic forum.  The thing is that I’m not sure how I feel about race relations as a whole.  If you give me a specific event or situation where race plays a part, I could probably argue until the cows come home.  But generally speaking, it’s a bit harder. 

Mrs. Xpinionated often hears me say something about how I don’t like people.  Sometimes I’m more specific and say I don’t like black people, the joke being that I’m black.  Other times, I’ll throw other races in there.  It’s not that I don’t like any particular race, I truly believe everybody gets on my nerves at one point or another.  Again, tying it to race is my defense mechanism of making a joke to either conceal my true feelings or protect the feelings of others — and I’m not sure which it is.  Mrs. Xpinionated finds it even funnier because strangers seem to talk to me quite often which is unexpected for a person that claims they don’t like people.  I guess the truth is I don’t like people in general but within that large population of ‘general’, I am willing to make exceptions for specific individuals….does that make sense?

I digress.  Race has been left out of this blog partly because I sometimes get tired of hearing about it.  Sometimes it’s left out because though I feel I want to talk about it, I don’t know how to approach.  I don’t want to be the victim playing the race card nor do I want to talk as if I’m the voice of black folk everywhere.  Sometimes I don’t write because I fear what I write may signal alarms to my white friends and family that I don’t want to deal with.  But race is always there with me whether I acknowledge it or not.  And if I start to write about it on this blog, I don’t want to censor myself, cleanse myself, or otherwise change my writing so as to not offend. 

Derricotte speaks of ‘bearing and baring anger’ in her writings with regards to race relations among friends of different races.  In brief, in order for any lasting communication to be worthwhile between friends of different races, both parties must be allowed to bare anger as well as both parties must bear anger.  The anger cannot be thought of as a personal insult; rather an accumulation of emotion and experiences that have reached a boiling point. 

So I guess that if I plan to get a bit more serious on this blog, especially with the touchy subject of race, I ask that you bare anger when you need to and be willing to bear anger when it comes to that.

Technorati tags: Toi Derricotte, The Black Notebooks, race relations